8 Tips to Avoid Mom Burnout
This article feels as much needed for me as it may be for you! I don’t claim to have all these things down to a science. I’m very much a work in progress! I do hope though that these ideas will at least plant a seed for you as something to work towards, as I will be doing as well.
Whether you are a “working” mom or a stay-at-home mama (I feel like I can relate to both!), these ideas are for ANY mom! I recently came across this quote:
“The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.”
Isn’t that the truth? Whether we are building a career or at home with our kids 24/7, it is WORK. We pour so much of our time, emotions, and energy into raising our kids and how often do we get breaks? Practically never! I mean, nap times are great, but for me that’s usually when I’m racing against the clock to work as much as possible before my toddler wakes up! Much like I’m doing as I write this!
WHAT IS MOM BURNOUT?
Most parents have likely heard the term mom burnout before, but don’t really know what it is or the signs. According to Motherly, day-to-day symptoms may include constantly being tired, yelling at your kids frequently, feeling “not good enough”, only focusing on the negatives, or wanting to “get out” of mothering responsibilities. Some of these may ring true, (if not all of them) for you. If you or your husband feel like you might be suffering from burnout, you can take this quiz from Parental Burnout to see where you land. Maybe you aren’t quite there yet, but you want to make sure you don’t go down the rabbit hole. Here’s some advice on how to avoid getting burned out.
TIPS TO AVOID MOM BURNOUT
Connect with Other Moms
Having friends is great, but also having friends who are moms is even better! When I first moved to Washington, I was a brand new mom and I had left all my friends behind in California. It was such a blessing when my next door neighbor reached out to me asking if I wanted to join in on the neighborhood playdates! This was my first sense of the mom community in Bonney Lake and 5 years later, I’m still friends with many of the same ladies!
I also have a mom’s Bible study that keeps me supported and feeling loved. When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I was very sick the first few months. They rallied together and had a meal train of dinners coming to me regularly to help me through those hard 1st trimester weeks. Connecting with other moms who are going through similar experiences can be a powerful way to feel supported and understood.
2. Get Support and Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
Along the same lines as having a mom community, don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Enlist the help of your partner, family members, or friends to share the workload and offer emotional support! Stay-at-Home-Moms (SAHM) can easily feel isolated. When the stress of a toddler’s tantrums and sleepless nights with a newborn get the better of you, reach out to a friend or your family! I’m lucky enough to live close to my parents and one of my older sisters. I am VERY blessed by all their help! My parents help babysit frequently and my sister helps with preschool pick-up.
We weren’t meant to parent alone. There’s a reason for the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child”. We’ve become a very independent society, but not all cultures parent this way! Maybe you don’t live near family, as many don’t, friends can still be a great resource. Doing babysitting swaps is a great way to save money since we all know paying a sitter adds up quickly. It can either be for date nights or play dates and each of you will benefit! Befriending neighbors is also so helpful. When I’ve been in a pinch to pick up my daughter from preschool but my toddler is still napping, some of my amazing neighbors have been willing to come sit on my couch while I quickly picked up my daughter from school and came back home to my napping toddler. Don’t let your pride get the best of you. You’d be surprised how many people are willing to help a mom in need!
3. Prioritize Self-Care
I know, this one sounds near impossible! When I think of self-care, I often think of getting a manicure or pampering myself with a massage! But in reality, self-care can mean something small like taking 10 minutes away from the kids to read your Bible, meditate, or hey, maybe even get in a 10-minute YouTube workout! My sister used to insist that when her husband got home, she would go take a nice, warm bath and just relax in the tub for a while. Even getting fresh air and sunshine is taking care of yourself, whether you have your kids with you or not. I often see how much happier my mood is when I finally get outside and just take in the vitamin D. You can start small on a daily basis, but try to make it a habit to take those time-outs and opt for longer stretches of time every week or so! Again, this is where having mom friends is so important. I love being able to take a night off from putting the kids to bed and spend time with my Bible study group!
4. Adjust your Expectations
Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Accept that there will be days when you can't get everything done, and that's okay. I say that and then point a finger directly at myself. This one is hard and I need to remind myself of it often! Running a family photography business and being the primary caregiver to my two young girls comes with a LOT of responsibility, and expectations. Juggling both roles without leaving my home to go to an office to work is tricky. I see piles of laundry, dishes in the sink, toys scattered on the floor and often feel like I can’t even focus on work until all the things are tidied up!
But with all the tasks we as moms have on our plate, some expectations like laundry all being folded, really isn’t a priority. It will get done, but it’s okay to pull your shirts and underwear out of the laundry basket for a few days before they get put in drawers! It’s okay you’re having Chic-fil-A for dinner because you didn’t get to the grocery store in time. It’s okay that you haven’t dusted since the last time your in-laws visited. Sometimes life is just going to feel chaotic, but when we expect that, we can embrace the chaos a little bit more and remind ourselves that this is a season and it will eventually pass.
5. Practice Gratitude
When we feel overwhelmed, it’s easy to let all the negative things in our life dominate our thoughts. We can become consumed with anxiety, stress, or exhaustion. When we take a step back from our day-to-day tasks and look at all the good in our lives, it can be a very encouraging moment. Making a weekly or even monthly gratitude list can give you a more positive outlook. Try to focus on the things that make you happy and give you joy. Perhaps you can even commit to journaling daily one or two things that brought a smile to your face, specifically with your kids. My husband and I can’t help but recap about some of the funniest or silliest things our girls did that day. I love telling him a funny quote of the day from one of our daughters. It always serves up a good laugh!
6. Give Yourself Something to Look Forward To
I remember as a little girl I was always sad when I had to go back to school after a long summer vacation. I felt like I NEEDED something to look forward to so I could get through the day or the week. Maybe your days feel mundane or your routine looks the same every single day. Change it up! Routines are great, but adding some spice to life is what helps energize us and obviously gives us new experiences. Put a date night on the calendar (remember that babysitting swap I mentioned). Plan a girls night out with your friends. Book a family overnight at a spot you’ve never been to before! Or plan a family photo shoot! Believe me, it really can lighten your mood and the photos afterwards will brighten your day for years to come. I will make your session a fun, engaging, stress-free evening and it will be something you can look forward to year after year!
7. Set Boundaries
Whether you’re dealing with young kids or feel like a taxi driver to all your older kids’ activities, make sure you’re in control of your schedule. It’s okay to say “no” when you can’t add one more thing to your list of things to-do. Is the PTA asking you to help at an event? Do you feel stressed trying to volunteer weekly at your church? Is your kid asking to join another sports team when they already are involved in 2 other activities? If you know your threshold for your agenda, don’t take on more than you feel like you can! Even fun things like outings with friends or community events can feel overwhelming when we know we can’t handle one more thing on the calendar. Knowing yourself and your limits is such a valuable tool. Setting boundaries is a very healthy thing and I empower you to protect your time and mental health.
8. Find a Therapist
If you're struggling with severe burnout, don't hesitate to seek professional help. Mental health is so important for mothers! I always liken it to the rule on airplanes to put on your oxygen mask first before assisting your child. If you’re feeling like you’re drowning (or gasping for breath) how can you parent well in that situation? We can easily take our internal emotions out on our children when they 100% don’t deserve it. A therapist or counselor can help you work through your feelings and develop healthy coping strategies. Parenting is a hard, life-altering job. But remember, we don’t have to figure it all out alone. I truly hope that if mom-life is bringing you down, you find community, support and a therapist to help you through the hard season and remember, there is NO shame in therapy. Just be sure to take care of yourself so you can take care of those precious children, too!